why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
