Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
