There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
