life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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