Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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