I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
