Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
