You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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