Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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