2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
