I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
