They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
