This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
