Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
