I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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