She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
