I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want to make out with him forever
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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