there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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