Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
