This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
