I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
