I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
