woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
