Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
