There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You pole danced in your parka.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
