3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize