Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
