glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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