dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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