i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
