How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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