I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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