Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
