The maid of honor just puked.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How does it feel to date your dad?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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