At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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