More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the condom got lost in my hair
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
