this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My balls are so social today.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
