His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
