I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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