I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
