Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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