you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
