I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
