last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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