I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize