it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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