omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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