maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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