and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
