on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
