Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
no you cant smoke seaweed
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
