sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
