Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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