Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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