I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize