I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
