Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
