Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
