You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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