I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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