My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
