I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's blow job season.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
