Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize