my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
