what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Who died my cat blue again?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
