just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
