so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
