What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
