he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
don't judge my taste in strippers
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize