made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
